When you have lost someone you love, the arrival of the holiday season can make you feel a little apprehensive. The large gatherings, the memories that resurface, the traditions that change… Even though they bring joy, the weight of grief often becomes heavier during the holidays.

In this article, we share some tips on how to ease this emotionally-charged period.

 

Give yourself the freedom to say yes (or no)

Grief is as difficult physically as it is psychologically. That’s why it’s essential to listen to your needs and respect your limits.

Not in the mood to have everyone at your home this year? Don’t. Exhausted seeing your holiday schedule fill up? Turn down invitations. You don’t have to say yes to everything or everyone.

If there are aspects of the celebration that you feel would be good for you, you don’t have to do without them entirely. You may well choose to attend a party, but to leave early. Similarly, you may decide to host your loved ones at home, but to delegate tasks to lighten your responsibilities.

By expressing your needs and setting clear limits, you can make sure that your approach is understood and respected by your loved ones.

 

Create your own ritual of commemoration

Moments like the holidays serve as anchors in our lives. That’s why the absence of a loved one is particularly painful. Commemoration can help you fill the void, but also to develop new points of reference for the years to come.

Alone or with your loved ones, find the best way to honour the memory of your loved one. You will be able to repeat this moment every year in his or her memory.

Here are a few examples of memorial rituals:

• Take a moment, alone or with others, to recall a happy memory you shared with the deceased.
• Pay your respects at the cemetery, columbarium or other meaningful place before the festivities.
• Install a photo of your loved one in a place that suits you, such as near the table or the Christmas tree.
• Light a candle and offer holiday greetings to your loved one, in thought.

It’s up to you to determine the best way to keep the memory of your loved one alive through a ritual that reflects his or her image.

 

Perpetuate traditions in your loved one’s memory

For some, traditions directly associated with the deceased are a source of sadness, and it’s best to erase them from the holiday routine. For others, continuing these traditions is rather a way of honouring the loved one. If it makes you feel good to continue your loved one’s contributions to your family celebrations, don’t deprive yourself, above all!

For example, you could:

• Cook the recipe your loved one used to make every year. Even if you’re not as good at it as your loved one was, it’s no big deal!
• Play a game your loved one particularly liked. When the giggles come, it feels good!
• Sing his or her favourite Christmas songs as a family. A sing-along brings comfort to the heart.

 

Surround yourself with peace and kindness

Grieving people sometimes feel guilty for enjoying themselves. Don’t deprive yourself in any way! You have the right to laugh and, even if only for a few moments, to forget your grief. It’s certainly what your loved one would have wanted for your holiday season.

If you don’t want to be alone, seek out the company of kind-hearted people who make you feel good. If, on the other hand, you crave solitude, embrace it without restraint. Nature can also be a place to recharge your batteries. If you have the strength, taking a walk among the snow-covered trees can provide you with a sense of well-being.

By establishing rituals that are meaningful to you and by creating new traditions, you will make each holiday season a little less difficult. Remember: all these gestures are not intended to forget the deceased, but rather to keep his or her memory alive, year after year.