No one is really prepared for the death of a loved one, even when that person is ill. Disillusionment or hope? The human brain has a hard time adjusting to such a situation and the process has to be started over again each time. However, it is important to know the signs of death in order to prepare oneself mentally and physically. Crématorium Montreal sheds light on the signs to watch for when someone close to you is ill or at the end of life.

The downward slope

As death approaches, bodily and cognitive functions begin to slow down and sometimes become muddled. A number of changes can be observed, such as: deterioration in physical condition, psychological changes, loss of appetite and hydration, decrease in weight or body mass and change in breathing, to name a few.

The three phases

The last months of life can be broken down into 3 distinct phases:

• The pre-terminal phase – usually 1-3 months before death
• The terminal phase – usually 1-3 weeks before death
• Agony – a few days or hours before death.

Sometimes one of the phases can happen very quickly or even be skipped altogether and move on to the next. Each person is different and the process can be different as well, depending on the illness and its severity.

The 8 signs to look for in order to gradually prepare yourself

Withdrawal: The person may be more distant or indifferent to everything around them. He or she may be less interested in socializing with others, lose interest in favourite activities, and sometimes become agitated or irritable.

Drowsiness: As death approaches, the person may become more drowsy or sleepy and may be more difficult to wake up. He or she may even fall asleep while talking or show generalized signs of weakness.

Reduced food and drink intake: When the body slows down, the need for fluids and food decreases, making the person less hungry or thirsty. He or she may also have difficulty swallowing, so should not be forced to eat and drink as before.

Breathing changes: Breathing may decrease or speed up and be shallow. The person may also stop breathing momentarily for several seconds. Irregular breathing is a sign not to be ignored.

Loss of bladder or bowel control: Generalized weakness sometimes causes the pelvic muscles to relax, resulting in incontinence.

Skin changes: As death approaches, the skin may look paler, mottled or bluish, thinner and drier—a sign of fragility. Redness may also appear in the joints and the skin may feel colder.

Delirium: The person may not recognize loved ones, be confused about the day, the date or even the time. He or she may also experience hallucinations, which sometimes creates agitation or anxiety.

Temporary improvement: The last sign creates false hopes—the person’s condition often improves briefly before death. Also called a “moment of lucidity”, this allows the person to interact with loved ones and be more alert to his or her surroundings before the condition deteriorates again. This is often a time for good-byes.

In short, it’s perfectly normal to feel sad when dying loved ones become detached from us or when we see them deteriorate. But don’t take their reactions or behaviours personally. Cherish every moment spent with your dying loved ones in their final moments, providing solace, physical comfort, support and love. Remember, too, that hearing is the last sense to go, allowing ill or dying loved ones to hear you speak to them and reassure them.