Offering condolences to a bereaved person is a delicate gesture. Whether or not we share their grief, we still feel the need to say or do something to soothe them or to be polite. There are various ways to express our support to a grieving person without making mistakes, but there is no substitute for a kind word expressed from the heart. If you prefer classic condolence messages, Crematorium Montréal will guide you through the alternatives.

The traditional and personal tone

The tone of a condolence message varies depending on the type of relationship you have with the bereaved or the deceased. Generally speaking, the closer one is to the deceased, the more personal the message will be, as we will be speaking from our heart and in our own words. However, if the bereaved is not a close relative, it is preferable to keep it simple and use more traditional phrases such as: “I’m sorry for your loss” and its variations:

• My deepest condolences.
• I am with you in your grief.
• I am thinking of you.
• I share your grief.
• I share your sorrow.
• I share your sadness.
• With my deepest sympathy.
• With all my sympathy.
• With our warm thoughts and prayers.
• You are in our thoughts.
• I share your pain and offer our sincere condolences to you and your family.

You can also use phrases that are not so short, such as:

• It is with the deepest sadness that I have just learned of the loss that you are facing.
• I can well imagine your grief and sorrow. I am thinking of you very much.
• I am heartbroken by this sudden loss and I share your grief.
• Rest assured that I am by your side and supporting you in this ordeal.

A little expression of support and care will bring comfort and will be appreciated. When you are close to the bereaved person, your message of condolence can include a more concrete offer of support and help, such as, “If I can be of any support or help to you in any way, don’t hesitate to let me know; I’m here for you!” Or you can share fond memories or say how much you miss the person who died.

Here are some phrases with a personal touch that you can use if you are at a loss for words:

• I’m thinking of you.
• I’m so very sorry for your loss.
• He/she was a wonderful person.
• I will miss him/her terribly.
• I’m here for you.
• I love you (if you are very close to the bereaved person).

Phrases to avoid

What is important when it comes to expressing condolences is to avoid clumsiness. Above all, don’t deny that the deceased has died or that the grieving person is suffering emotionally. The loss of a loved one is a big hurdle to go through. Also, avoid empty phrases like:

• He/she is better off where he/she is.
• I know how you feel.
• How are you doing? How are you holding up?
• I don’t know what I would do if (my own mother) died! (to someone who has lost his/her mother)
• At least he/she didn’t suffer.
• At least you had a chance to say goodbye to him/her.
• Things will be better soon.
• I offer you my sympathies.

In short, no matter how you go about offering your condolences, make sure you speak with kindness and respect and from your heart. You can also show your support with flowers, little plates of prepared food or simply by being discreet and present for the bereaved person.